


Cards on the Table

by Rosesandrecords (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, mindless fluff at the end, really horrible google translate romaji japanese, shrugs, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 08:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3890161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Rosesandrecords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat play a dream bubble game of fiduspawn. ((Inspired by the 4/22 upd8!))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cards on the Table

Karkat opened his eyes to a blur of red, gray, and orange. More precisely, a troll with red hair and gigantic fucking horns. Great. Just great.

“Hey, dude! You’re just in time for the game!”

Karkat sighed. “The what?” Dave appeared noiselessly beside him. 

Rufioh grinned. “We’re all playing fiduspawn… It didn’t look like we were gonna have that many players… But then you showed up! Come on, there’s a table over here.”

“Of course, we had to end up in this clusterfuck of a dream bubble,” Karkat mumbled to Dave. “Is there a way to tell him fiduspawn is fucking stupid and we’re leaving as soon as possible without sounding rude?”

“Nope, I think that’s pretty much impossible,” Dave responded. “So let’s play.”

“What?” Karkat grabbed Dave’s arm. “No way. We’ll get stuck here until we wake up. That could be hours from now. You don’t have to deal with hearing about this game all the time from a bronze ignoramus, you don’t know how bad it is.” 

Dave shook him off. “It won’t be that bad. I can get educated on your alien culture.”

“You can get enough education from alternate sources,” Karkat argued. “I can teach you whatever the hell you want as long as it doesn’t involve chummying up with some dead imbeciles who are somehow related to my friends.” 

“Come on, man. It can’t be that bad. I’ll help you get over any awkwardness, I’ve got the privelege of having no fucking clue who these people are. I have a clean slate.” Dave gave a thumbs up, smiling at Karkat’s indignant attempts to get him to stop walking. 

Karkat let go of his sleeve and let Dave lead him, sighing heavily. 

Seated at the round table were Rufioh and Damara, along with the Mayor. 

“Hey, this may be fun yet,” Dave said encouragingly. “Look, the Mayor’s here!”

Karkat glared at him.

“Hey, my man,” Dave said, giving the Mayor a high five before sitting down next to him. “Anything you’re down for has to be cool, am I right?”

Karkat dragged a chair over and sat down next to Dave. “Well, somebody needs to tell me the rules. I don’t know shit about this except for what Tavros always goes on about,” he grumbled. 

“Okay, so..” Rufioh began eagerly. “I’m gonna give you your cards… There’s five kinds of cards, and you hafta have at least five in your hand at all times. That’s including battle cards, which you can reuse.”

He drew a deck of purple cards out from under the table, and began passing them out to the players, all the while continuing to explain the game. 

“And to start a battle, you hafta use an Oogonibomb, and it hatches the fidusucker, and… Hm.” He pursed his lips. “Do you have anything on you, like a plushie or anything?”

“Uh, yeah,”said Dave. He reached back into his cape and pulled out a purple scalemate.

Karkat stared. “Where the fuck… No. Actually, I don’t even want to know.”

Rufioh regained his cheerful grin. “Okay, cool! I’ve got a couple extra host plushes anyway,” he said, grabbing a few stuffed bears off the ground next to his chair. He placed one on the edge of the table next to him, and handed the others to Karkat, Damara, and the Mayor.“So the fidusucker impregnates the host plush, and then you get a fiduspawn!”

“Okay. I have literally no idea what the fuck you just said, but I’m going to nod and pretend I understood,” Karkat announced.

Damara snorted, muttering something while looking at Karkat. As usual her language was incomprehensible, but her tone was clearly derogatory. 

“She says, uh… Well, nevermind. Just try to follow along.” Rufioh advised. “Here, I’ll go first. You typically start using a breed card, so that’s what I’ll do!”

He plucked a purple card out of his hand and laid it on the tabletop. A fiery-looking ball popped out of the card and began hovering over their heads. Rufioh snatched it and quickly flung it at the table. 

It cracked open, birthing a purple, spidery creature. It lunged for Rufioh’s toy bear, sinking itself into the plush yellow fabric. It remained latched on for several seconds.

“What,” Dave said as the beast scurried away. Karkat just stared. 

The bear began to shake and bulge. 

Seeing the looks on Karkat and Dave’s faces, Rufioh reassured them. “Don’t worry, that’s supposed to happen, I—

A grotesque, many-legged monster burst free from the host plush, whinnying menacingly. Rufioh cheered, clapping his hands esxcitedly. Karkat shot out of his chair and opened his mouth to shriek. Dave preemptively covered his ears. 

“WHAT IN THE NAME OF SWEET FUCKALL HUMAN CHRIST ON A PISS BARGE IS—

“Shh, shh,” Rufioh said soothingly. “Its okay! It’s my Macarhino! I… I guess having him gives me a sort of advantage against you, but I’ll try to go easy since its your first time playing…”

Karkat took a deep breath and sat back down. He seemed to realze his actions at this point, and shook himself off. What? He hadn’t screamed over a creepy game contruct. No way. He glanced suspiciously at Rufioh.

“No,” he decided. “I am going to take this seriously now. I used to think this game was for lonely sphincter suckers with shitnuts up their think pans. Actually, I still do. But there is no way in hell I’m going to let a dead guy with a purple hoofbeast beat me after witnessing me go into startle mode.”

He cracked his knuckles. 

“So you’re going down.”

Rufioh looked confused. “Hey bro, no need for competition… We’re all in this for the good vibes and funtimes, right? I won’t tell anybody about your little freakout…”

“Shut up and play.”

 

“What? That’s not in the rules! Rufioh, tell him that isn’t in the rules,” Karkat snapped. 

Rufioh shrugged. “I’ve never really thought about it… But, I guess, if he wants to he can?”

Karkat made a noise of anger, grinding his fists into his eyes. Dave and the Mayor fist bumped.

“Hey Karkat, better get an ice pack, looks like you need to cool down,” Dave snickered. 

“That’s not even fucking funny! That does not even fall into the category of a joke, much less one that could make me express a single syllable of mirth,” Karkat snapped. 

“Ah, you’re just jealous because me and the Mayor get to be the most hella sweet comboteam around,” Dave said casually. “Oh mayor, partner of mine, pick a card for us this turn?”

The little man nodded, picking a card and showing it to Dave, who nodded in appreciation. “A wise choice.”

Karkat huffed, crossing his arms. “I don’t see how you can go a whole game and then up and decide to merge teams.” He angrily scooted his chair away from Dave’s. “Now you don’t have a fair amount of cards!”

“’Kay,” Dave said, pushing his three extra cards into the bottom of the draw pile. “Fixed.”

“AHH!” Karkat slapped a hand to his forhead, slamming the other and his cards down onto the table. “You can’t just! Ugh.”

Damara objected loudly. Karkat turned to Rufioh, expectant.

“Oh!... Yeah, uh, you’re bleeding, bro,” Rufioh said, motioning to Karkat’s cards.

Karkat jumped. “What? Where?” He glanced at the back of his hands, touched his neck, frantically trying to find what Rufioh meant.

Dave cracked up. “It’s a term, dude. It means your hand is showing. Look, I can see your item card right there.”

Karkat pulled his cards back furiously. “Oh, you just can’t stop cheating, now can you?”

“Calm down, you look like a wounded animal,” Dave raised his eyebrows. “One might even say you look like you’re… bleeding!” His face split into a wide grin. “Ah? Yes? Funny?”

Karkat shook his head. “I give up. Who’s turn is it, anyway?”

“Ahh, I have wounded you.” Davesaid dramatically. “Not on the outside, but here. On the inside.” He scooted over and laid a hand on Karkat’s heart.

Karkat’s face grew hot. “Shut up. Whose turn is it, anyway?”

“Wait, does that reference make sense to you? Do trolls have hearts? Yo, if you don’t, that’s freaky.” Dave withdrew his hand, but left his chair where it was. “Oh, wait, yeah, they’d have to, or all your romance movies wouldn’t make sense. Nevermnd.”

“I think it’s my turn,” said Rufioh, jumping back into the conversation.

Damara interrupted him. “Nē, Rufioh. Karkat o mite, kare wa futatabi shukketsu shite imasu. Kare wa hotondo roiyarufurashu omotte imasu.”

Rufioh glanced at her. “No biggie, Damz. Doesn’t really matter.”

She shook her head. “Rufioh! Watashi wa okashī yo, kiitekudasai! Kare ga…”

She whispered in his ear. Rufioh snorted with laughter. “Yeah, okay. But like… Not really? You don’t think so?”

She nodded, sending a smirk towards Karkat. 

“Yeah, you know, some of us here don’t speak whatever dialect of idiocy you’re conversing in,” Karkat objected. 

“It’s nothing, she just, well…” Rufioh smiled ruefully. “I mean… She was just joking, she said you and Dave were—

He paused.

“Oh. Speaking of Dave,” he said sadly. “I guess that means the game’s over, huh?”

Karkat looked to his side. Dave had disappeared, along with the Mayor. 

“Okay, so the idiot crew have left the building, but let’s get to the real talk,” Karkat said indifferently. “I won, right?”

Damara snorted. 

“Uh… Yeah! Totally, bro,” Rufioh said encouragingly. “Yeah… you got me beat. I figure you’ll be waking up soon, but hey, why not come play again sometime?”

He looked so hopeful, Karkat almost pitied him. 

“Yeah, sure. Why the hell not,” Karkat said, closing his eyes with a sigh.

When he opened them again, he was sitting on a couch, Dave resting his head on Karkat’s leg. 

“So who won?” Dave teased.

“As a matter of fucking fact, I was the one who triumphed in the end,” Karkat said proudly. 

Dave raised an eyebrow. “No way.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Obviously no way, fuckwits. He tried to let me down easy, he’ll see. Next time we get into that dream bubble I’ll beat him into the ground.”

“You’re cute when you’re vengeful,” Dave said, taking Karkat’s hand and planting a kiss on it. “I seem to recall you dismissing that game a while ago, hmm…”

Karkat twirled a strand of Dave’s hair around his finger. “Yeah, well. Shit happened.”

“You weren’t actually mad about me merging teams with the Mayor, were you?” Dave asked, looking up at Karkat.

“Nah. Just caught up in the nerdy thrills,” Karkat answered. “Although, come to think of it, we would have made a fucking devastating team.”

“Crushed all the competition,” Dave said with a smile. “But, you know, no one can compete against you.” He gave an overexagerrated wink. 

Karkat groaned. “That was awful. Never say anything like that ever again. Anyway, I’m pretty sure they caught on to us, you’re so obvious. Soon enough all the dream bubbles will be ringing with the so-called ‘homosexuality’ of one David Strider and Karkat Vantas.”

“The tabloids will have a field day,” Dave grinned. “Ah, well. They can say what they want. We have each other,” he said in a singong voice.

“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous,” Karkat grumbled. “I hate you.”

“Nah, you don’t.”

“No. I don’t.”

The two of them sat on the couch for a while, quietly enjoying one another’s company. It was nice. They had their own little universe to themselves, where there was only quiet and warmth and mutual calm. Everything was…

“Oh, fuck. If Tavros finds about about this we’ll never have a peaceful sleep again,” Karkat realized.

“Isn’t… Isn’t he the one with the bull horns and the fire?”

“Yeah.”

“God damnit.”

“I guess we’ll just have to stay awake.”

Dave pulled in closer to Karkat. 

“Shouldn’t be hard. I’ll just stay here with you.”

Karkat smiled. “For how long?”

“I don’t know,” Dave mused. “Forever?”

“Yeah… That sounds good,” Karkat agreed.

“Forever, then. It’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

**Author's Note:**

> Rough translation (aka used-google-translate-don't-kill-me) of Damara's lines: "Hey, Rufioh. Karkat's bleeding again. he almost has a royal flush... Rufioh! This is funny. You could say he's... flushed!"
> 
> Is anyone else still having davekat confirmation feels? Cause I sure am.


End file.
